February 17, 2013
“Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.” ~ Hermann Witt
Disclaimer: This is obviously a post of my opinion. Please do not think that I am saying that this is how every power-exchanging relationship should be.
Punishments are a necessity in power-exchanging relationships. For every task, every action, and every word, there is a possible reward and a possible punishment. There are always consequences to O/our actions.
As a submissive, punishments help correct my inappropriate behavior, and ultimately mold me into being a better submissive for my Sir. How I act reflects onto Him. I am notoriously obnoxious and playful (credit to my puppy nature) but usually I am respectful and I am observant. If I fuck up, it is my fault; no one else. I used to have a bad habit of blaming everyone and everything for my mistakes, but upon entering the BDSM lifestyle with my first Master, I learned very quickly that I need to take responsibility for my actions – good or bad.
Punishments for me vary in intensity and type. Spanking me, while being a masochist, typically doesn’t punish me. Yes, I cry, but its more out of the pain and arousal than the actual punishment. Putting me in a cage obviously isn’t punishment for me, its a safe haven. Ignoring me will reduce me to tears and emotionally damage me; your punishment shouldn’t be damaging in any way, only reforming.
My Protector does “Quarter Time” where the punished submissive has to stand on their tippy-toes with their nose pressed against a quarter to keep it above a line. If the quarter drops below the line, 5 minutes is added to the total time. I have yet to do this punishment since around Him I am typically a well behaved submissive.
My first Master used to be a fan of the cold shoulder and would ignore me for hours and sometimes days at a time to get the punishment fulfilled. This to me was and will be very damaging and is counter-productive to protecting your submissive or slave. Another punishment of His was a formal apology in front of His friends – me naked on my hands and knees with a piece of paper that detailed what I did wrong, how I can fix the problem, and how remorseful I was for the bad deed. In return, He wouldn’t respond to what I said, but would allow His friends to carry out a punishment they saw fit without ever knowing my hard limits. This is where my very legitimate fear of fire/being burned and body mutilation came from.
Another Sir, though he (noticed the capitalized “he”) was more of a “sir-domly-dom” and didn’t have a clue of what he was doing, felt that the proper punishment for something as small as falling asleep on him at 5AM was to insult me, degrade me, and disrespect me to the point where I got my number changed and have yet to speak to him ever again.
A recent punishment for me carried out by another was corner time. It was super effective (insert Pokemon reference). He had me naked on all fours, nose stuffed in a corner while my webcam was running to record the video. For me, silence is murder. I was stuck there silent, wiggling my ass, and trying not to cry because I had too much time to myself to think about every. little. thing. I’ve. ever. done. wrong. And knowing He was so close, yet so far and I couldn’t go to Him when I got upset was enough for me to realize that I cannot, should not, and will not ever do what I had done to earn that punishment. For what seemed like hours of being in that corner was only a mere 7 minutes in real time. 7 minutes reduced me to a crying, shaking puppy begging for her Sir’s love and approval again. And with the aftercare He gave me, I realized that I will have His love and approval.
Just knowing I messed up, and upset my Sir is enough to punish me, but like I said, every action comes with a consequence. I know some of you will read my corner time and be like “Wow, what a weak submissive – crying from a corner.” And I’ll smile and shrug it off because I know my capabilities and I am definitely not weak. Yes, I got aftercare after the punishment, but its because I needed it and He knew that without ever having to watch the video.
Punishments can be creative, thoughtful, and efficient if done properly and in consideration for the submissive or slave. My one recommendation for a Dominant is to never punish a submissive in the heat of the moment. If your submissive disrespects you, or breaks a rule, don’t punish them while you’re angry. Calm down, think, and then respond to the action. If you punish while you are angry, you can be a lot rougher, a lot more intense, and possibly damage your submissive without meaning to. If you merely say “You’re in trouble” to a submissive, their mind will be reeling and turning and frantically trying to process what that means. If you give them the look that says at a certain point they fucked up and earned themselves a punishment, they will be punishing themselves mentally without you EVER having to punish them. Always take a step back before reacting. Just like your submissive or slave reflects on your image, your actions do that as well.
- Puppii xoxo.